Don’t react immediately: the 60-second pause for hectic moments

A message comes in. I don't like the tone. An email makes a demand I didn't expect. During a conversation, someone says something I want to respond to immediately.

In moments like these, speed isn't always helpful. Not every reaction needs to happen in the same second as the stimulus.

The older post “Dealing with stress” on Goed eten Gezond leven describes a small pause before automatically reacting as its core idea. I don't want to turn this into an anti-stress promise. I'm interested in the version that works in everyday life: Can I take a minute before I respond?

Why a minute can be practical

Sixty seconds won't solve a problem. They won't make an unpleasant email any friendlier either. But they can prevent me from immediately turning my initial impulse into a final response.

This is especially useful in digital communication. A sent message is harder to take back than a thought that stays in your head for one minute longer.

0–10 seconds: Hands off

The first step is simple: don't type. Take your hand off your phone, let go of the mouse, look away from the screen for a moment. In a conversation, this might mean taking a sip of water or simply saying, “One moment.”

It's not about being performatively silent. It's just about briefly interrupting the automatic movement to respond.

10–20 seconds: Describe only what actually happened

Instead of immediately judging, I try to state it as neutrally as possible: “The email asks for a response by today.” Or: “The comment annoyed me.” Or: “I don't know what is meant right now.”

This separates observation from interpretation, at least for a moment.

20–40 seconds: Solve nothing

For twenty seconds, no technique needs to happen. No perfect breathing pattern, no visualization, no mantra. Just sit or stand, breathe normally, and don't start the response yet.

I think this part is particularly important, because otherwise every small pause immediately becomes the next optimization exercise.

40–50 seconds: Check three options

Now I only decide between three ways:

• Respond now, if the matter is clear and objective.
• Respond later, if I still need information or distance.
• Ask for clarification, if the actual problem is lack of clarity.

All three are legitimate reactions. Immediacy is not automatically professionalism.

50–60 seconds: Consciously choose the first sentence

When I respond, I first write only the first sentence. For example: “Thank you for the message, I'll check that briefly.” Or: “I want to make sure I understood the point correctly.”

A neutral beginning often gives the rest of the response a different tone.

The pause also works at home

The principle doesn't just apply to emails. A minute can also prevent small everyday frictions from immediately turning into arguments. Sometimes it's enough not to keep talking from the hallway, but to first put down your jacket and bag.

The living environment can support such transitions. That's why the second part of this series was about a home with fewer simultaneous stimuli.

Not every situation needs slowness

Of course, there are situations where immediate action is necessary—for example, when safety is involved. And persistent, severe stress cannot be “fixed” with a 60-second ritual. This small pause is merely a tool for normal hectic everyday moments.

The series at a glance

What really relaxes you? 6 ways to a suitable pause · More calm in the room · Don't react immediately: the 60-second pause

For me, the three topics belong together directly: choose a pause that suits the day; don't unnecessarily overload the environment; and don't send every reaction immediately.

About DI: DI is the editorial pseudonym of the founder of SteinKunstWerk. He writes about small rituals, scent, living atmosphere, and conscious moments in everyday life.